kyuuketsukirui

Title: Rhetorical Question
Length: ~1600 words
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: 100% not true.
fanfic100 prompt: He
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta and kissing_athelas for the Britpick. Written for strongplacebo for slashababy 2006.
Summary: Dom knows he hasn't got a chance with Orlando, but can't a man at least have his wank fantasies?

( 'Trust a Yank to think he can come marching into my dreams and steal Orlando from me.' )

Merry Christmas, helens78!

Title: Risk
Length: 150 words
Disclaimer: 100% not true.
Notes: For helens78's request of "a Christmas/holiday-themed TCOAD-verse-ish ficlet? (I'd take this in any fandom, but I'd love to see it with any of the RPS guys I like, including Jude and Ewan or Pierce and Sean or... really, anybody.)" Um, okay, so it's not holiday-themed, but I haven't been able to get her incredible Eminence Front out of my head, so this is just a snippet that follows directly from it.
Summary: Jude doesn't know why he thought that was a good idea.

( Stupid. Christ, that was so fucking stupid. )

Merry Christmas, kallistei!

Title: Home
Length: 200 words
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Notes: For kallistei's request of "Bleach, maybe? Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Uruhara and/or Yoruichi".
Summary: Rukia is home and things are back to normal(ish), but for some reason, it's not as great as she'd thought it would be.

( She's sleeping in her own room for the first time in ages, and her futon is comfortable and familiar the way things can be only after you've been without them for a while. )

Merry Christmas, fangirlsays!

Title: Three Little Words
Length: ~100 words
Disclaimer: I don't own Sky Captain, some movie people do.
Notes: For fangirlsays's request of "something that involves Joe saying 'Good boy, Dex'".
Summary: It's probably wrong, and there's no way Joe means it like that.

( Joe says it like it's nothing, just a habit, though sometimes Dex thinks maybe... )

Merry Christmas, kissing_athelas!

Title: But You Never Call at All
Length: 100 words
Disclaimer: 100% not true.
fanfic100 prompt: Ends
Notes: For kissing_athelas's request of "vaguely angsty-really very simple Dom/Elijah based around 'Love It When You Call'".
Summary: Times change, as much as Elijah wishes they wouldn't.

( It used to be that Elijah's recently received calls list had Dom's number on there multiple times. )

Merry Christmas, delurker!

Title: Dream Diary
Length: ~300 words
Disclaimer: mina_de_malfois is sadly not my own creation.
Notes: For delurker's request of mina_de_malfois fic featuring Arc.
Summary: Mina is typically clueless, especially when it comes to analysing dreams.

( I'm hesitant to even write it down here, what with Jen lurking about, but it seems like a bit of a cheat to have a dream diary and then not write down every dream I can remember. )

Merry Christmas, telesilla!

Title: Christmas Morning
Length: ~200 words
Disclaimer: This is absolutely, 100% not true.
Notes: For telesilla's request of "an NIM Christmas with the kids". This is based on the Liam/Jason/Carrie-Anne storyline she and darkrosetiger wrote in The Establishment.
Summary: Will is a bit OCD about opening his presents.

( Olivia is staring daggers at her brother, and even Liam and Jason are getting fidgety, but Will is oblivious. )

Merry Christmas, zillah975!

Title: The Kindness of Strangers
Length: ~500 words
fanfic100 prompt: Snow
Disclaimer: This is absolutely, 100% not true.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta. For zillah975's request of "Snowy!Ewan, Christmas Eve, with Jude, preferably happy ending (or at least pointed that way)".
Summary: Lying face-down in the snow for what must be the fiftieth time today alone, Ewan finds himself beginning to question the wisdom of blowing his entire paycheque on a ski holiday in France when he can't fucking ski.

( It's just that skiing had always *looked* so easy when he saw it on the telly. )

Title: Lotions Master SNAP
Author: kyuuketsukirui
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Rating: R
Length: ~2100 words
Disclaimer: JKR owns these characters. I'm not making any profit off them.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta and kallistei for the Britpick. Written for the multific Finish-a-Thon. The idea for this came from this AIM convo about some badfic that had misspelt potions as lotions and Snape as Snap. SNAP here is a parody of BPAL, an incredibly popular online perfume manufacturer.
Summary: Things don't go as planned when Harry decides to track down the mysterious man behind SNAP.

( The bloke in the catalogue, the embodiment of tall, dark, and handsome, winked up at him whilst rubbing lotion on his hands in a way which went right past suggestive to porn. )

DVD style commentary for the fic can be found here.

Title: Summer Camp
Rating: PG
Fandom: The Faculty RPS
Pairing: Josh/Lij
Length: ~1000 words
Summary: Josh is the coolest friend Elijah's ever dreamed of having and this is the best year at camp ever.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta. This was written for the summer_flinging challenge. Loosely based on an idea by almostnever.

( How great is it that they're in the same cabin? Elijah grins. There's a weird butterfly feeling in his stomach and he hopes he's not getting sick or something. )

Title: Back in Five
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: LotRiPS
Pairing: Dom/Lij
Length: ~1400 words
fanfic100 prompt: Work
Summary: Elijah's summer job's been boring as fuck until tonight.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta. This was written for the summer_flinging challenge.

( It's been slow this week. An older couple checked in earlier tonight, but that's been it on Elijah's shift. And then out of nowhere, there's this British guy, all black nail polish and needing a shave, and that accent that goes straight to Elijah's cock. )

summer_flinging finally had their reveal, so over the next few days I'll be posting the fics I wrote for it.

Title: Smile at Strangers
Rating: R
Pairing: Dom/Lij
Length: ~1000 words
fanfic100 prompt: Strangers
Summary: Clearly a surfing holiday in New Zealand is the best idea Orli ever had.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta. This was written for the summer_flinging challenge.

( A can in each hand, Dom straightens up and turns around, and from the blotchy redness on the guy's cheeks and chest, and the way he won't meet Dom's eyes, Dom'd bet the last of his savings (currently totalling a whopping fifty-three New Zealand dollars) the guy had been admiring his arse. Not that Dom would blame him. He's had a lot of compliments on his arse over the years. )

Title: Easier to Lie and Be Safe
Length: ~900 words
Rating: Adult
Pairing: Jude Law/Ewan McGregor
fanfic100 prompt: Circle
Disclaimer: This is absolutely, 100% not true.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta. For cold!Ewan as requested by zillah975 here.
Summary: In hindsight, Ewan probably shouldn't have left the door open, but even then, he's not sure it wouldn't have happened some other way.

( It's a wank fantasy come true, the perfect porno setup. Flatmate walks in on you in the shower and bam. )

As requested by telesilla. (No, I didn't actually forget about this meme. I'm just slow.) I may or may not expand this into an actual fic at some point. I kind of want to, cause it seems half-assed like this, but I dunno if there'd really be any point in it, since I've already told what goes on.

( Five Presents Jude Really Wishes Ewan Hadn't Got for Andy. )

Title: Discovery
Length: ~200 words
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This is absolutely, 100% not true.
Notes: Hungry!Ewan, as requested by rawiyaparand here.
fanfic100 prompt: Lunch
Summary: Jude can't concentrate on blowing Ewan when his stomach's that loud.

( It was one thing to hear rumblings and gurglings when he had his mouth to Ewan's belly as he fumbled with his fly. Hardly the first time he's heard stomach noises at a time like this, after all. But when it's become the loudest sound in the room, though, reminding Jude just why stomachs are said to growl - because it sounds like there's something fucking alive in there - well, that's another story altogether. )

In less ranty news, here are reposts of the Panda Bale fic I wrote in a fit of insanity last night.

Panda Potter Round Robin
Panda Bale/Harry/Draco. NC-17. ~1400 words. My parts are in blue.

( Harry was so jealous of the new American transfer student, Panda Bale. Why was Panda Bale so much cooler than him? Panda Bale was even cooler than stupid Malfoy in his stupid leather trousers. Panda Bale got all the girls. Panda Bale got all the guys. Panda Bale even got the stupid squid in the lake. Panda Bale was a sex magnet and it was pissing Harry off. )

Pandas of the Caribbean Het
Will/Elizabeth, Elizabeth/Panda Bale. PG. ~100 words.

( ''I hate to do this to you, but I'm going to have to call off our engagement.'' )

Pandas of the Caribbean Slash
Sparrow/Norrington/Panda Bale. PG. ~100 words. Uncut because the bits I like most won't go well in a cut tag.

"It was your idea to spice up our sex life."

"Er," James said. "I was thinking more along the lines of hand-cuffs. Perhaps a blindfold and a spanking. I wasn't thinking pandas."

"Not just any panda. Panda Bale, savvy?"

"No. No, I'm afraid I don't savvy at all," James said indignantly.

The panda - Panda Bale, whatever that meant - looked rejected. How could a panda look rejected?

"Now look what you've done," Sparrow said.

Panda Bale just looked at James. "Fine," James sighed, "but just this once."

Title: Haunted
Length: ~2300 words
Rating: Adult
Pairing: Jude Law/Ewan McGregor
Disclaimer: This is absolutely, 100% not true.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta. This is a very loose mashup of telesilla's EVA and Maneuvers, written for fandom_mashup.
Summary: As a scavenger, Ewan's used to finding weird shit on old ships, but he's never seen anything like this before.

( The ship is old, huge, one of those colonisation ships Ewan's only seen in history lessons. There's no colony here, though, or if there is, it's not official. From the looks of things, the planet's inhospitable, but not uninhabitable - he doesn't even have to wear a breather - so maybe there is a settlement hidden somewhere. )

Title: My Summer Abroad
Rating: PG this part, eventually adult
Pairing: Dom/Lij
Length: ~2500 words this part
fanfic100 prompt: Summer
Summary: After graduating from college, Elijah realizes he has to get out of Iowa or he'll be stuck in a dead end job the rest of his life. He finally saves up the money he needs and decides to make a go of it in London, but from the moment he arrives, nothing goes the way he planned.
Notes: Thanks to helens78 for the beta and clara_swift for the London help.

The request was ( spoilers ) for protoplasmica.

This is part one of two. I am only posting it incomplete because I have the mashup deadline this weekend and there's no way I would be able to make both. So I'm posting part one, and will finish up part two as soon as the other deadline is past. This is definitely not one of those WiPs that I'll get back to whenever. I'm quite committed to finishing it right away. I estimate this part to be about a third of the full fic.

( The summer after college should be a summer of firsts, Elijah's always thought, and in a way, it is. It's the first time he realizes his degree is essentially worthless and he'll be working at fucking Dairy Queen forever if he doesn't get out of hicksville fast. )

Title: Knowing
Length: ~300 words
Rating: G
Pairing: Jude Law/Ewan McGregor
Disclaimer: This is absolutely, 100% not true.
Notes: irish_channel requested another dad!Ewan fic.
fanfic100 prompt: Birth
Summary: Set in the same universe as these other fics. They're both Andy's dads, regardless of whose genes he has.

( When Andy is born, he doesn't look like anyone. Well, except every other baby. Ewan's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to pick him out of a lineup, and if someone were to switch babies on them, they'd never suspect. )

Title: Weird
Length: ~500 words
Rating: Adult
Notes: anatsuno requested kinky!Ewan (specifically "as in, not a Ewan in denial about his kinkiness mmmm? maybe a domly in charge ultra kinky Ewan, or, i dunno") waaaaay back here.
fanfic100 prompt: What?
Summary: This is not the answer Jude expected when he asked Ewan what he thinks about when he wanks.

( ''Oh God,'' Jude practically squeaks. He swallows, burying his face in the pillow til he stops feeling like he's about to hyperventilate. )