Commentary: Hit Me Baby One More Time (Dom/Lij)
Read the fic sans commentary here.

I think this is the fic I struggled with the most. The request was "any combo of Billy, Orlando, Elijah, Dom with BDSM play (not a lifestyle) in a committed couple. Fluff ok if not too schmoopy. No girls." I was so focused on trying to come up with something that fit the porn request that I didn't see the part where she wasn't super keen on fluff. :-/ But this turned out being totally fluffy because I didn't really know what else to do. Committed relationship, so no first times or unrequited angsty stuff, which is what (I think) I'm best at. The response from the recipient was hard to gauge, so am not sure how well it worked for her. I'm pretty pleased with it myself, though, despite the fluffiness. (Though it's decidedly not the sort of plot bunny I would have come up with and written for myself.)

Sprawled on the sofa, Dom scrolls idly through the tracks on Elijah's iPod looking for anything he might want to transfer to his laptop. There's the new Belle and Sebastian album, not due to be released for another three months almost, and he's found a few new mashups and remixes he doesn't have, either.

Here's one that's mislabelled. 'Baby One More Time' must surely be one of those ironic covers (entirely overdone by now, he thinks), but it just says Britney Spears as the artist.

Someone (Helens?) pointed out that Billy's actually done one of said ironic covers, which I'd totally forgotten. I actually got the idea here from Bruce, though, as he has been known to complain about how such covers are overdone (me, I still like them).

Sticking one of the earbuds in his ear, he presses play and frowns as it becomes obvious it really is just Britney. "Hey, Lij," he drawls, uncurling one leg to poke him with his toe, "were you working on some mashups?"

"Hmm?" Elijah starts, blinking up at Dom from behind his specs. "No? How come?"

"Just wondering."

There must be an explanation, Dom thinks. Well, besides the obvious one. Perhaps Elijah downloaded it without realising it was the original. Dom's got plenty of mislabelled stuff himself in the past, including a porno purporting to be an episode of the new Doctor Who.

I admit to stealing this from RL, too. I can't remember where, but I saw someone mention downloading something labelled as an episode of Doctor Who that turned out to be porn. And I've certainly downloaded enough mislabelled music myself in the past.

But really, can that explain the fact that there's one here by Hilary Duff, and another by Kelly Clarkson? Dom's eyes narrow. Within seconds, he's down on the floor, sitting on Elijah's arse and shoving the iPod under his nose. "Care to explain?"

I knew right off I was going to do Dom/Lij, because then I can fit it in on my fanfic100 table and kill two birds with one stone. I had a hard time coming up with an idea, though, since the request was for porn, but that didn't help me at all in coming up with a plot. Finally Dee threw out the idea of like, Dom finding out Lij likes some horribly uncool song or something, since they're both kind of music snobby. I liked that idea, since that would fit in with the BDSM play, as I could then have Dom "punish" Lij for his bad taste. Personally I like Hilary, Kelly, and Britney, but then I am not at all snobby about my musical tastes.

"Explain what?" Elijah wiggles, trying to throw Dom off, and then suddenly stills. "Oh, that's, uh," the seconds tick by, "Hannah's!" He marks his page and shoves his book aside, stuffing his arms under the pillow and craning his neck to look back at Dom. "You remember when she was here, she was using my iPod all the time."

"That was months ago." Dom frowns. "And besides, that was your old one. Before you got the Nano." He works his fingers into Elijah's armpits, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "Admit it," he crows as Elijah tries to squirm away, "you were listening to them! You like this shit!"

"It's catchy!"

"Crap!" Dom's thighs tense, holding on as Elijah tries to throw him. "You like crap!"

"I never said it was good," Elijah says breathlessly. "Besides, you like Justin fucking Timberlake."

ana said Dom said he likes Justin Timberlake so if it's wrong, blame her.

Dom captures one of Elijah's wrists. "That's completely different."

Also possibly taken from RL experience. *shifty-eyed* Only substitute Bruce defending Abba becuase it's omg pure and different from crap pop that I like. :p

With his free hand, he fumbles with his belt, tugs it through the belt loops and off. He leans down, grinning as he whispers in Elijah's ear. "I think you need to be taught a lesson."

An "oh" and Elijah's breath hitches, a flush creeping up his cheeks as his eyelashes dip down. He's struggling still, but it's obviously a show, and Dom'd bet a million dollars Elijah's as hard as a rock. As hard as Dom is.

He's got both Elijah's arms twisted back now and he's looping his belt around Elijah's wrists, cinching it tight. There'll be marks when he takes it off; Elijah's skin shows everything.

Elijah's specs are crooked and Dom plucks them off, sets them on top of Elijah's book. Dom stays stretched out over him like that, teeth grazing over the curve of Elijah's ear as he grinds his cock against Elijah's arse. Elijah's not even pretending to struggle anymore. No, now he's writhing with Dom, spreading his legs and humping the carpet, and Dom thinks if he doesn't stop this soon, they'll both be coming in their pants.

I really like this paragraph.

So with a nip to Elijah's earlobe, he scrambles back and mutters at Elijah to lift his hips up. It takes what feels like ages to get Elijah's jeans and boxers off, even with Elijah cooperating. He balls them up and throws them aside, and they nearly cause a CD tower to topple over. It wobbles, spilling a handful of CDs onto the floor before settling down.

Ha. I like this, too, especially the bit about the CD tower.

"Now look what you've done," Dom growls.

"Me?"

"You!" Dom's response is punctuated with a smack, and Elijah yelps and glowers at him. Dom brings his hand down again, hitting hard enough that Elijah's arse is turning red already. "If you hadn't," smack, "listened to that crap," smack, "I wouldn't have to punish you," smack, "and I wouldn't have thrown your jeans over there."

"You just," Elijah pants, tongue flicking out over his lips, "wanted an excuse to tie me up and spank me."

"Maybe." Grinning, Dom smacks him again, then pushes himself up, and with a breathless "hang on", dashes to the bedroom and grabs the lube off the bedside table.

I didn't really think about it consciously while writing, but there's no condoms because the request asked for a committed relationship, so I always tend to assume at some point they've decided to forego condoms.

He throws himself back down, wincing as his knees hit the floor.

Another little detail I like.

Elijah is twisted, half off the ground, looking back at him, and Dom helps him up further. He gets Elijah on his knees with his reddened arse in the air and his face pressed into the pillow, and just looking at him has Dom's own cock twitching, straining against the fabric of his jeans.

Standing, he skims out of them, kicks his boxers away and pulls his t-shirt off over his head. He's got socks on still, as does Elijah, and it feels like a porno so he leaves them on.

Porn socks! I don't know why I chose to do this, but it just seemed right.

Besides, Elijah in socks and t-shirt, hands bound behind him, is the sort of thing wet dreams are made of. Well, Dom's are, anyway.

This line is there entirely to remind people that Lij's still got his shirt on...

"Fuck me," Dom breathes, hand dropping to his cock.

But, "Do-om," Elijah whines, and with a muttered "yeah, yeah", Dom kneels behind him and squeezes the lube out onto his fingers.

"Gagging for it, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Elijah gasps as Dom works two fingers in. His knees slide further apart and for a second he lists dangerously to one side until Dom steadies him with a hand on his hip.

I like the listing dangerously to one side thing, too. Huzzah for little details and things not being perfect.

"Dom...fuck. Oh. Oh..."

Dom thinks he could listen to that all night and he's half tempted to just finger Elijah til he comes, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore his aching cock.

Reading over this again, I don't like that sentence all that much and I can't put my finger on why.

Fingers slipping out, he inches up, positioning himself at Elijah's hole.

Elijah's hands clench and unclench, fingers scrabbling at the air as Dom pushes in. It's, oh, it's perfect. Fingers digging into Elijah's hips,

Oh damn. Fingers scrabbling and fingers digging. I really like the first sentence, so if I'd seen that, I would have changed the second to "Gripping Elijah's hips tightly" or something.

Dom pulls out, slams back in again hard, rocking Elijah forward. In and out, over and over until he's dripping sweat and Elijah is desperate, begging, and finally Dom reaches down to where Elijah's cock hangs heavy between his legs.

Ooh, I like this last sentence, too.

Precome smears Dom's fingers, slicks down the shaft as he starts wanking Elijah. Elijah's voice is muffled by the pillow, but Dom can make out one last "oh God" before it hits, before the growing tension shudders into orgasm.

And here I must admit I was immensely pleased with "the growing tension shudders into orgasm". I don't often feel like my writing is very...poetic, I guess. It's pretty straight-forward, no frills. But I like this.

Biting his lip, Dom fucks him through it, the steady spasms around his cock bringing him right to the edge and leaving him hanging, so close he can almost taste it. Both hands back on Elijah's hips now, Dom bows his head, eyes squeezed in concentration. There's so many almosts he wants to scream, and then there, sudden and overwhelming and leaving him breathless.

I just realised there's absolutely no mention of bodily fluids in this fic. Well, aside from sweat, that is.

He slumps forward and everything but the pads of Elijah's fingers caressing his belly feels distant.

Again, basically this is here as a reminder that Lij's arms are tied behind his back.

Untie Elijah, that's the first thing that penetrates the fog of his brain, because yeah, Elijah's shoulders must be aching by now.

And the consequences of having them in that position...

The belt comes off, he pulls out, they slide to the floor together, and Elijah turns in his arms to kiss him. "You learn your lesson?" Dom mumbles against Elijah's lips, his jaw.

Wide-eyed and innocent, Elijah says, "What if I did it on purpose?"

Dom weighs this, turns it over in his mind. "Liar."

"Maybe."

Hmm... Am not entirely certain the ending line has enough punch. I do like these last few paragraphs, though. Just not sure if the last line is all it could be.